Kansas City Shuffle.

LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN

Rabbi: The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle.

***

The Boss: They call him "the Fairy"...
Slevin: Why do they call him "the Fairy"?
The Boss: Because he's a fairy.
Slevin: What, he's got wings... he flies around sprinkling magic dust on people?
The Boss: He's a homosexual!

***

Lindsey: How ironic.
Slevin Kelevra: I know, I don't even gamble.
Lindsey: No. A rabbi with a gay son. That's ironic.

***

Slevin: I'm sorry, who are you?
The Boss: I'm The Boss.
Slevin: I thought he was The Boss.
The Boss: Why? Do we look alike? So you were gonna tell me something?
Slevin: I don't know, you brought me here.
The Boss: Yes. But back when you thought I was him.
Slevin: I didn't think you were him, I thought he was you. And I was trying to tell him - you that you picked up the wrong guy.
The Boss: The wrong guy for what?
Slevin: Whatever it is you wanna see me about.
The Boss: Do you know what I wanna see you about?
Slevin: No.
The Boss: Then how do you know I got the wrong guy?
Slevin: Cause I'm not.
The Boss: Maybe I want to give you $96,000. In that case do I still have the wrong guy?
Slevin: Do you wanna give me $96,000?
The Boss: No, do you wanna give me $96,000?
Slevin: No, should I?
The Boss: I don't know, should you?
Slevin: I don't know, should I?
The Boss: Long story - short.
Slevin: I think we're well passed that.
The Boss: I bet it was that mouth that got you that nose.
Slevin: Okay, I'm under the impression that you're under the impression that I owe you $96,000?
The Boss: No, you owe Slim Hopkins $96,000. You owe Slim, Slim owes me. You owe me.

***

Lindsey: I was thinking that if you're still alive when I get back from work tonight... maybe we could go out to dinner or something?

"The unlucky are nothing more than a frame of reference for the lucky. You are unlucky, so I may know that I am. Unfortunately the lucky never realizes they are lucky until it's too late. Take yourself for instance; yesterday you were better off than you are off today but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it's too late. You see? People are never happy with what they have. They want what they had, or what others have."


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UNITED STATES OF LELAND


"Aren't you an actor?"
"Aren't we all, dear."

***

"This one is something a friend of mine said to me. "You have to believe that life is more than the sum of its parts, kiddo." I remember it right now to the "kiddo" part. But when I think about what she said, the same thing always comes into my head. What if you can't put the pieces together in the first place?"

***

"I think there are two ways you can see the world. You either see the sadness that's behind everything or you choose to keep it all out."

***

"It covers my eyes. It's all I can see. Say there's some kids playing baseball. All I see is the one kid they won't let play because he tells corny jokes. And no-one thinks they're funny. Or I see a boy and a girl in love and kissing, you know. I just see that they're gonna be one of those sad old couples one day who just cheats on each other and can't even look at each other in the eye. And I feel it. I feel all of their sadness. I feel it probably even worse than that sad old couple or that corny kid will ever feel it."

***

"And that's when I figured out that tears couldn't make somebody who was dead alive again. There's another thing to learn about tears, they can't make somebody who doesn't love you any more love you again. It's the same with prayers. I wonder how much of their lives people waste crying and praying to God. If you ask me, the devil makes more sense than God does. I can at least see why people would want him around. It's good to have somebody to blame for the bad stuff they do. Maybe God's there because people get scared of all the bad stuff they do. They figure that God and the Devil are always playing this game of tug-of-war game with them. And they never know which side they're gonna wind up on. I guess that tug-of-war idea explains how sometimes, even when people try to do something good, it still turns out bad."

***

"Maybe it makes sense now. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a why. Maybe somewhere there's that thing that lets you tie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not tears, nothing can make something that happened unhappen."

***

"I'm only human, man."
"It's funny how people only say that after they do something bad. I mean, you never hear someone say, "I'm only human" after they rescue a kid from a burning building."

"The worst part is knowing that there is goodness in people. Mostly it stays deep down and buried. Maybe we don't have God because we're scared of the bad stuff. Maybe we're really scared of the good stuff. Because if there's no God, well, that means it's inside of us and we could be good all the time if we wanted. So when we do bad things, it'd be because we want to or because we have to. Or maybe we just need the bad stuff to remind us what the good stuff is in the first place."